A LOVELY HOME IS WHAT SOCIETY NEEDS
Have you ever watched the video of a love song? I mean a clean video with really great lyric? What were your thoughts?
The other day I was going through the WhatsApp statuses of people on my contact list. Just then, I came across a video on the status of Mr. Luis. It was a love song sung by a white guy. I used ‘White’ because I don’t know the singer or where he comes from. I only know his skin color and accent put him in that category. I hope I’m not being racist.
I can’t remember the lyrics of the song, but what I can’t forget is how his every action showed that he loved and cared for the lady he was singing to. It was so lovely that I slipped into Mr. Luis’ DM (direct message) and said to him, “These people sure know how to be romantic. When you watch them express love, you just love it and you just want to get into a relationship quickly”.
He said it was because they used the simple things around to express love. I told him that I thought the average relationships over here in Nigeria were just plain boring and rigid.
He laughed and said it was a sad truth. Just then it struck me and I said to him, ‘I have an explanation for that’.
Alright, Pause…
Let’s reflect. Have you ever wondered why, growing up, most of us, both young and old (actually a very high percentage) never experienced been tucked into bed by our parents at night? Or received a good night kiss from our parents? Or stuff like our parents calling us as children and saying, ‘I love you’? Are these not expressions of love, care and attention for the Child?
Well, we may say, ‘It’s not our culture’.
The truth is our culture (specifically in Nigeria) is not as expressive in matters of Love, care and attention, as the culture of the white guys, and what we fail to realize is that, the presence or absence of those little actions and expressions contribute in shaping our perspective on the issue of Love, Care and Attention, from the family level.
Most parents would rather express love by strictness and discipline ONLY. Is it wrong? NO. But there are sure other ways to make a child know he or she is loved, added to what we get today.
Many females in the society have a wrong perspective of the male gender because they always experienced their fathers turn their mothers into punching bags.
Many sons grew up with their fathers but the effect of that ‘father figure’ in their life was, and still is missing because their fathers, though physically and financially present, were never there for them emotionally, psychologically and otherwise. But was financial provision a proof of love from father to son? If you asked Daddy, he will say ‘YES!’
So even as adults these young men think of only themselves, finding it hard to show the slightest sign of care, even when they get married. They are providers for their families, but would never be a shoulder for wifey to lean on. All they think about is, ‘How much do you want?’ like money can sustain a merry heart.
Sadly, some sons do not even know what love looks like.
Before anyone holds other factors responsible for the vices caused by physically healthy but emotionally and psychologically broken individuals in the society, let us first hold the Family responsible because, the family plays a principal role in the building up of a child, more than every other factor, I believe. Be it Religion, Government, Education, Entertainment etc.
I do not take joy in writing against parents, and I never intend to do that. Truly, I’m only concerned about the effects of an environment void of the expression of love, care and attention from Parents in the child and society at large.
I believe most parents make considerable amount of efforts to raise their children. But should some parents pause for a second to check if they have been doing what is of necessity or what is of priority for the child? I honestly think in this aspect, some parents can do better.
Most Children spend half, if not all, of their childhood chasing the love, care and attention of their parents beyond the limits of financial provision, and they never get it. So they just come to a resolve that such an atmosphere cannot be obtained or experienced in the home, and so cannot be given, be it in the society or their own homes.
This is a call to all Parents and intending parents to build a lovely home.
Dear Daddy, please connect more with your son! Imbibe the right values into him. Play the right tune at home for everyone to dance to, and your children will make a song out of it and sing it in the streets. And when they have their own family, they will teach their children those melodies.
Show your son and daughter what it looks like to love a woman, by expressing your love for mommy, even before their eyes. That way your son will have a standard to first match, uphold and surpass, and your daughter will have a standard to at least anticipate, even as she places herself as queenly as her daddy placed mommy, when she is older, rather than been wooed by the slightest show of attention from any man.
Or haven't you heard daughters who say, “Daddy was my first husband.” What kind of an environment do you think her father created at home?
Paint the right pictures in their mind.
When our children finally meet a spouse in the course of their lives, would they look at us and say, ‘You were the first expression of love, care and attention I ever knew’?
All things being equal, a healthy family will always produce a healthy society. In other words, a lovely home is what society needs.
Like Theodora Debby Ezenwankwo would say, ‘Let’s Make It Right’.
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