December 2018 , a period I wouldn't want to share even with my enemy, or talk about, but I pen this here for someone to learn and get blessed, so read down. It was a "Season of pruning" for me - I was cut off from few things and people, I was stretched, broken, depressed and wounded .
My birth anniversary,5th on that precise year and month , was one I didn't anticipate so much. My plans for that day were shattered, I felt handicapped and pained at that moment, knowing I couldn't do anything, like I had done the last year, visit the orphanage home, spend precious time with them and receive that kind hearted prayers of those beautiful kids. So funny I spent that day in the lecture hall, learning , and scrolling down my Facebook timeline and WhatsApp, grin as I gazed at the tears dropping birthday write-ups of well wishers and amazing friends, as their birthday calls came in with the 'Birthday' rhythm . Thanks to Ab concept who blew my mind with yummy and tasty Set of Cupcake, wasn't expecting that, thanks darling , you're forever cherished. I had forced myself to the studio two days before my birthday to take a photo, with my smiles and joy somewhere else, only God knows .
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've lived my life ever since the year I graduated from secondary school as a teenager , being self and God dependent,while my parents provided the primary needs of life, shelter and food. That's to say I've been working hours, weeks and months , all these years just to make earns meet, and plan for my life. So I definitely don't know and find it difficult depending on or asking from people, even when I don't have or desperately in need . It's not pride, I'm just being careful so people don't hurt my emotions, by turning down my request or make me feel indebted (as tho they are my God, humans can be funny tho ).
At that period of the year, I had exhausted all I had for my school clearance , and remaining with me was just little money I had in my account, which would be summed with the money my parents gave to me, to pay my school fees, so I actually had nothing on me (can't recall being in such dried state,ever since I've been working, so it was hard coping in such condition) and had no or little hope, since I would be resigning from work,but it didn't stop me from giving out the little or last I had to those I felt were more in need. That period was a stripping season for me, wonderful friends withdrew, ran out of cash, stressed up from school and rounding up work, slimming down, my hope being dashed , God silent on me. At that moment Joy was no where to be found, my prayers each minute was "God Pls, I need joy, I can't find it in me ", soberly I waited, but it was as if God had abandoned me.
Alice Smith, said in her book, SPIRITUAL INTIMACY WITH GOD
- "Warning: Self-pity in the cave (even in pruning) can drive us towards
pessimism, and depression, and false dependencies such as
psychologists and pills. My advice: Stand still and see the
salvation of the Lord! He promised never to leave you or
forsake you, and he never will. Allow Jesus to change you
during the winter of your life!"-
After all this while of silence, the holysprit later spoke to me, drew my mind to those female teens and ladies that had brought their challenges to my dm, of how they've falling and been misled into wrong relationship and act because they couldn't cater for themselves. He reminded me of the reply and counsel I gave to them, which all summed on looking up to Jesus. After the Holysprit brought this flash to me, I almost wept, because I never knew how painful the shoes of this young ones were, how it feels,not being financially stable as a lady.
Sometimes our wounds are needed in order to identify with the hearts and hurts of those we would lead.
-"Dear friend, please don’t waste
your dry periods, because they are your credentials for helping others along the way."- Alice Smith
I celebrated the Christmas and remaining days of December sadly indoors, since stepping an inch out of my door would make me spend my last kobo. I thought of going for a retreat first week of January (that's this year). At that point I needed to find God, because it was as if he was lost and gone , despite the controversial thought in my heart, whether to go for the Retreat or not, I later made up my mind that afternoon, packed my clothes, Bible, phone to read my books on pdf, and my new year diary (I was eagerly waiting on the holysprit for a word for the year, which he responded mightly ). I left the house for the three days Retreat "Price of Esther" , and guess what??...... I found God, he was inside of me, longing for an intimacy with me, not because I want something from him, but because I love him. My love grew so strong within that three days in the first week of January, the intercourse with the holysprit is one I won't be able to come out of or recover from, he spoke audibly, I had a deep rest in him, my experience cannot be expressed in words but in experience and manifestations. Just after a day to the last day of the program....... Buuuum!!!! I got an alert, finally my January will weigh ....just after the program I took myself out for the first time 😊, and made the devil look stupid for thinking he can toil with my joy.
In all, look up to Jesus,stay in him, get drunk in him and rest in him , the best thing to do, esp in times of pruning.
MakeITRight_academy
Institute_of_knowledge_and_Light
Bringing_Man_outOf_life_Obscurity
Theodora Debby Ezenwankwo
Comments